A Better Way … to Handle Disappointment

Did you ever jump in a pile of leaves as a child? That fluffy mound of red, orange, and brown practically begs children everywhere to take a running leap and jump.

When you see it in TV commercials, the children practically bounce when they land, with showers of leaves floating through the air. 

The reality of jumping in a freshly raked pile of leaves, however, never lives up to the dream. 

There is no pillowy softness to cushion your fall. There is only the hard, unforgiving ground which knocks the air out of your lungs. The leaves close in over your head, along with a feeling of betrayal and denied delight. You’re left disappointed and spluttering, desperately trying to breathe again, and to right yourself after the fall. 

In her book “Atlas of the Heart,” social scientist Brené Brown defines disappointment as “unmet expectations. The more significant the expectations, the more significant the disappointment.” 

Whether or not you’ve ever jumped in a pile of leaves, everyone has faced disappointment. The metaphorical feeling of having air knocked out or the bottom dropping out, desperately trying to figure out how to regain equilibrium. And, let’s be honest — half of America likely will be disappointed with this year’s election results. One side is going to win, and the other side will wake up the next day with an overwhelming sense of despair and disappointment. 

When disappointment strikes, it can feel as if your tank of hope has been emptied. Maybe you’re not sure how to refill it, or even if it can be refilled.  

There is no denying disappointment when it comes. It can’t be avoided or squashed down; it makes itself known in the pit of your stomach and it clouds all interactions. Often times, it is comingled with an element of grief. Left unaddressed, that toxic stew of grief, disappointment, anger and rumination prevent any opportunity for healing – and without healing, the disappointment festers and takes on a life of its own.  

Here’s the good news: Disappointment is not the life God has in mind for us, and disappointment need not take up long-term residency in your soul.  

In the Book of Jeremiah, the exiled Israelites taste the bitter disappointment of losing their homeland, status and way of life. God reminds them that exile is not all there is. “For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.” 

That’s the key: hope. Writer and pastor MaryAnn McKibben Dana reminds us that hope is not mere optimism or toxic positivity. It is a muscle that can be exercised.  

“Hope is wrapped up in what we make real… Hope is what we do in the face of suffering, pain, and injustice. Hope is what we do in the face of depression’s dull weight or grief’s harsh sting,” she writes in her book, “Hope: A User’s Manual.” 

Hope is an action, and it’s how to regain equilibrium in times of disappointment. Noticing the beauty of creation; showing kindness to a stranger; feeding the hungry — these are all acts of hope. How will you refill your tank in the face of disappointment? 

 

A Prayer for the Disappointed  

Hold me close, Holy One,
And comfort me in my disappointment.
Remind me that tomorrow always comes,
and with it, a chance to try again
to work for love
to work for peace
to work for justice.
Help me to let go
of that which does not serve you
or my neighbor,
that with an open heart
I may welcome in
the transformation of hope
that promises a new day. 

Amen.